Chapter 37: An uncertain Future

A month later, the house felt different. The grief was still there. Conrad's absence still lingered in the quiet corners of every room. But the crushing weight that had once made it difficult to breathe had eased enough for life to move forward again.

Magali smiled now. Not often. Not the bright, carefree smiles she once gave on stage. But small ones. Genuine ones. The kind that appeared unexpectedly during conversations or while watching something amusing. It wasn't happiness exactly, but it was proof that she was healing.

Much of that was because of Roberta. Every morning, Roberta made sure she ate a proper breakfast before the day could begin. She monitored Magali's diet with the diligence of a doctor and the stubbornness of a mother. Fruits, vegetables, protein, vitamins—nothing was left to chance. If Magali skipped a meal, Roberta somehow always knew.

Roberta also managed the practical side of Magali's pregnancy. Doctor's appointments, prenatal screenings, educational classes. Every detail was carefully organized before Magali even thought to ask about it.

At first, Magali found the attention overwhelming. But over time she realized something important. Roberta wasn't taking care of her because the Council ordered her to. She genuinely cared. That realization changed everything.

The two women had begun spending more time together outside of meals and appointments. Sometimes they sat together in the evenings drinking tea. Other times they simply talked while doing household chores. Slowly, conversations that once felt awkward became natural.

For the first time, Magali was getting to know Roberta as a person rather than as the head secretary or a former idol. She learned that Roberta was married. The revelation had surprised her almost as much as learning Robert was her father. More surprising still was the fact that she had a four-year-old son.

The moment Roberta showed her a photograph, Magali finally understood why she had been so patient throughout the pregnancy. Roberta had done this before.

Every concern Magali expressed, Roberta already understood. Morning sickness, the anxiety of childbirth. The fear of raising a child. Whenever Magali worried aloud, Roberta would quietly explain what helped during her own pregnancy, speaking from experience rather than theory.

One afternoon, while helping organize supplies for the nursery, Roberta held up a tiny infant blanket and smiled. "Trust me," she said. "You'll spend months worrying about whether you're doing things right."

Magali folded a stack of baby clothes beside her. "And was I supposed to magically become ready?"

Roberta laughed softly, "No." The answer surprised Magali.

"You don't become ready," Roberta continued. "One day the baby arrives and suddenly you're responsible for another human being. Then you spend the next eighteen years figuring it out."

Magali couldn't help laughing. It was such an ordinary answer. Not something spoken by a Council official or an experienced idol. Just a mother.

For the first time since Conrad's death, Magali found herself looking toward the future instead of the past. The nursery was slowly taking shape. Her child continued growing stronger every day. And despite everything she had lost, she was beginning to realize something important. She wasn't alone.

Even so, Magali understood something important. This couldn't last forever. She watched Roberta carefully as they worked together in the nursery one afternoon. Roberta folded tiny baby clothes with practiced efficiency, occasionally stopping to share some piece of parenting wisdom she had learned from raising her son. The sight was comforting, familiar even.

But it was temporary. Roberta had her own home, her own spouse, her own child waiting for her. She had placed her life on hold because another idol needed help. Someday—perhaps sooner than Magali wanted—she would return to those responsibilities.

And Magali knew she should. Magali would never ask her to stay. The realization didn't frighten her the way it once would have. The Council had promised support. Her father and Zoila would help however they could, even from across the country. Ryu was only a phone call away. She wasn't alone.

But support wasn't the same thing as raising a child.

Late that evening, after Roberta had gone to bed, Magali found herself standing in the nursery alone. The room was almost finished now. A crib stood against one wall. Shelves held toys and books waiting for someone too young to appreciate them. A rocking chair sat beside the window where she imagined countless sleepless nights ahead.

Her hand rested on her growing stomach. "What happens next?" she whispered.

The question lingered in the darkness. Because eventually her baby would be born. Eventually the visitors would stop coming every day. Eventually the sympathy would fade. And then it would just be her. A mother. Alone.

She sat down slowly in the rocking chair and looked around the room Conrad would never see completed. Could she still be an idol? The question had been growing louder every week.

Pregnancy itself wasn't the problem. Plenty of idols took temporary leave for medical reasons. The city would accommodate her absence.

But after that? Who would watch the baby while she performed? Who would be there when she spent long nights rehearsing? Who would pick up a sick child while she stood beneath stage lights smiling for an audience?

Conrad had always been part of that future. Without realizing it, she had built every plan around him being there. Now he wasn't. And suddenly the life she had worked so hard to build felt uncertain.

Leaving the city crossed her mind more often than she cared to admit. She could return to California. Her father had more resources than she could ever need. Zoila would adore being an aunt. Her child would grow up surrounded by family. It was the practical choice. The safe choice.

Yet when she imagined packing her belongings, something inside her resisted. Conrad bought this house. His laughter still lived within these walls. His friends were here. Her mother's memories, the reason she came in the first place, they were here. The city itself was woven into the story of their lives together. Leaving felt less like moving away and more like abandoning something precious.

Magali closed her eyes. For the first time since Conrad's death, she found herself facing a question she couldn't answer with grief alone. Perhaps the question was no longer whether she could continue being an idol. Perhaps the real question was whether she still wanted to be one. And for the first time in her life, she didn't know the answer.

One afternoon, Magali came home after visiting Ryu and Tarlya. The house felt unusually quiet when Magali stepped through the front door.

"Roberta?" she called out instinctively.

No answer came. For a brief moment, she felt a small pang of loneliness before remembering that Roberta had gone home to spend time with her family. She had promised to return tomorrow. After months of caring for someone else's grief, she had certainly earned a day with her spouse and son.

Magali set her things down and stood in the silence. The house no longer felt empty the way it had after Conrad's death. But it still felt different whenever Roberta wasn't there.

Her eyes drifted toward the cabinet. The Memory Drive. The surviving copy. For weeks, she had avoided it. Jeremiah's copy was gone now, shattered into fragments. Only this one remained—the copy meant for her.

Slowly, she walked over and opened the cabinet. The drive sat exactly where she had left it. She picked it up carefully.

Unlike Jeremiah's copy, this one didn't frighten her. This wasn't a collector's item. This was hers. A gift from the city, a final archive of the man she loved. And today, she wanted to see him. Not as the dying man on the stage. Not as the husband she buried.

Just Conrad.

She carried the drive into the living room and sat down at the computer. The drive slid into the machine with a soft click. Inside its protective shell, the compact disc began to spin as the computer read its contents.

Moments later, a directory appeared on the screen. Hundreds of files, maybe thousands. Magali stared. There was simply so much of him. Years of performances, interviews, public appearances, practice sessions, behind-the-scenes recordings. The archive stretched back far beyond the years she had known him.

She scrolled slowly through the list. Performance dates flashed past. Some were familiar, others were completely foreign. There were videos recorded years before they met. Years before he worked at the convenience store. Years before he took a knife for her. Years before he became her husband.

For the first time, Magali realized something. She knew Conrad the husband. She knew Conrad the man who made breakfast for her. The man who left shoes by the front door. The man who laughed too loudly at his own jokes. The man who insisted on singing while doing chores. And Conrad, the man who supported her in her early days of her idol career.

But she didn't really know Conrad the idol. Not completely. Most of that life happened before she entered it.

Her finger hovered over the mouse as she continued scrolling. It felt strangely intimate. Like reading someone's diary. Like opening a door into memories never intended for her eyes. And yet, she was his wife.

If anyone had the right to see these memories, it was her. A small smile touched her lips as she selected one of the oldest recordings in the archive.

"Let's see who you were before I met you," she whispered. Then she clicked play.

The video opened with the familiar insignia of the Council before fading into a recording of the dance hall. Magali smiled faintly. She remembered her own entrance exam all too well. The panic, the mistakes, the feeling that her entire future was collapsing before it had even begun.

If not for the Crab Swipe—her father's legendary technique—she might never have become an idol at all. It had saved her career before it even existed. Ironically, it was also the move that first captured Conrad's attention. She remembered him pestering her afterward, insisting she teach it to him. He had come close a few times. Very close.

But never quite close enough. Life had simply moved too fast after that. The memory brought a bittersweet smile to her face as she turned her attention back to the screen.

And there he was. Conrad Howard. Seventeen years old.

Magali immediately noticed how different he looked. Not physically. The features were all there—the confident grin, the bright eyes, the effortless charisma. But there was a rawness to him she had never seen before. Idol life hadn't polished him yet. He hadn't become the man she married. He was still becoming that person. A dreamer standing at the starting line.

Several Council members sat in observation seats overlooking the stage. Some of the faces were younger versions of the people she knew today.

The instructions were straightforward. Music would be selected at random. The applicant would find the rhythm and perform. Sing, dance play an instrument, anything.

The goal wasn't technical perfection. The goal was to entertain the Council. And if the applicant could do that, they were granted a liscence to perform on behalf of the city. And the most striking thing was that men were at a disadvantage. They needed to be more talented and stand out more to get in.

The camera shifted toward the center of the stage. Conrad stood there alone. No backup dancers. No elaborate costume. No special effects. Just a guitar slung across his back and enough confidence to fill the entire room.

Magali couldn't help laughing softly. "Some things never changed."

The music began. For most applicants, there was always a brief moment of uncertainty. A second or two spent listening, analyzing, searching for the rhythm.

Conrad needed less than a heartbeat. His foot tapped. His body swayed. And suddenly he had it. Like a fish returning to water. He pulled the guitar around smoothly and began to play.

Can't Hold Me Down

Written by Conrad Howard

Verse 1

Rain on the rooftop, holes in the ceiling

Dad said the world don't care how you're feeling

Old guitar, broken strings in my hand

Dreaming of stages they don't understand

They told me stories of the family name

Lights burned bright, then they vanished in shame

Everybody said those days were gone

But I kept hearing a different song

Pre-Chorus

Every closed door

Every goodbye

Every voice telling me not to try

Built the fire they can't put out

Chorus

You can't hold me down

Can't bury my sound

I was born from the echoes of a fallen crown

When the world says stop

I'm gonna push somehow

You can't hold me down

Can't steal my light

Can't kill this dream

I'm stronger than the things that happened to me

I got scars, I got hope

And that's enough for now

You can't hold me down

Verse 2

Police lights flashing at the end of the street

Playing my songs where the city hearts meet

Everybody said I'd never get far

Just another kid chasing stars

Dad looked tired, carrying his pain

Missing someone who never came home again

I couldn't fix the past he'd lost

But I could choose what my future cost

Pre-Chorus

Every setback

Every mistake

Every burden I was forced to take

Made me stronger than I knew

Chorus

You can't hold me down

Can't bury my sound

I was born from the echoes of a fallen crown

When the world says stop

I'm gonna push somehow

You can't hold me down

Can't steal my light

Can't kill this dream

I'm stronger than the things that happened to me

I got scars, I got hope

And that's enough for now

You can't hold me down

Bridge

Maybe I don't know where this road will lead

Maybe I got nothing but a stubborn belief

But I'd rather fall while reaching for the sky

Than spend my whole life wondering why

I carry every dream they left behind

Every broken promise, every lost goodbye

And if nobody remembers our name

Then I'll make them remember

Final Chorus

You can't hold me down

Hear me now

I'm standing where they said I'd never be found

Every step, every mile

Every lonely town

You can't hold me down

This heart still beats

This voice still sings

I can feel tomorrow calling me

And I'll keep moving on

Until the whole world knows

You can't hold me down

No, you can't hold me down

I'm rising now.

Magali saw it instantly. The energy of the song. The way he moved with complete abandon, utterly unconcerned with what anyone thought of him. He wasn't performing for the Council. He wasn't performing for a future audience. He wasn't even performing to pass the exam.

He was performing because he genuinely loved it.

The realization struck her harder than she expected. Conrad wasn't trying to become an idol. Conrad was already one. The Council was merely deciding whether to acknowledge it.

Magali found herself leaning closer to the screen. For the first time since his death, she wasn't watching the memory of a husband she lost. She was meeting the boy he used to be.

The examination video ended. The screen returned to the directory, rows upon rows of memories stretching across the monitor. Magali sat quietly for a moment, smiling despite herself. Seeing Conrad at seventeen had felt like discovering a chapter of his life she never knew existed.

She scrolled further, then froze. One file sat among the others.

My Farewell to Mags

Her breath caught. Without hesitation, she clicked it. The screen faded in. There was no stage, no audience, no cheering fans, no dramatic lighting. Just Conrad.

The recording was clearly made with his phone. The image shook slightly as he adjusted it, trying to find a good angle. Behind him, Ryu sat on the floor playing with little Tarlya, who giggled as her father lifted her into the air.

And then Conrad looked into the camera, into her eyes. "Hey Mags."

The sound of his voice immediately made her chest tighten. "If you're watching this," he said softly, "then I'm already gone."

Magali's hands trembled. Conrad rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I know you probably have a lot of questions. A lot of things the Council can't answer."

He glanced away briefly before continuing. "But right now, I'm getting ready to leave for Japan. Ryu's hometown. We're going to train for the final performance."

In the background, Tarlya squealed happily. Conrad smiled at the sound before returning his attention to the camera. "I know I left without saying goodbye," he continued. "And I know you're probably mad at me."

A weak laugh escaped him. "Actually, I know you're mad at me."

Despite herself, Magali smiled through forming tears. "But if I said goodbye, you would've stopped me." His expression softened. "And I wouldn't have been able to do it."

The room seemed to shrink around her as she listened. "So instead, I gave the Council a flash drive with this video. That way I could explain myself after everything was over."

Conrad took a deep breath. "When I first came to Sweetdance City, I had goals. Restore my family's dignity. Find my mom. Find a way to bring my dad back to the city. I worked really hard with Ryu and Khefner to make those things happen.

A sadness entered his voice. "But it was harder than I thought. Ryu got hurt. Khefner passed away. Tarlya was born."

Magali felt her throat tighten as Conrad continued, "And most importantly… I fell in love with you."

The tears came immediately. From both Conrad and Magali. Conrad wiped at his own eyes, laughing softly at himself. "You changed me, Mags. In ways you'll never understand."

Magali pressed a hand against her mouth. "I didn't want to fall in love, I really didn't. But I couldn't stop myself from falling so hard for you."

His gaze drifted downward toward something out of frame."And now you're carrying a piece of me with you."

Magali instinctively placed a hand over her stomach. "Our child. I wish I could've seen his or her face."

His voice cracked. "I really do."

For a moment he looked away from the camera, collecting himself. "But I didn't have time. So I left to finish what I started. I hope you can forgive me."

By now Magali was openly crying. Conrad reached beside him and lifted something into view. A simple recorder.

"Sorry," he said with a sheepish grin. "I kinda threw my flute into the sea."

Even now, he found a way to make her laugh through tears. "But this'll have to do."

He adjusted his grip. "This performance is just for you."

Then he began to play. The melody hit her immediately. Hawaii. Khefner's passing. The nights Conrad sat alone with his grief. The moments when words failed him and music spoke instead.

That melody. His melody.

The recorder wasn't as beautiful as the flute. The notes weren't perfect. But it didn't this wasn't a performance for fans. It wasn't for the city. It wasn't for history. It was for her. Just her.

Magali closed her eyes as the music filled the room. And for a brief moment, she could almost imagine Conrad sitting beside her again. Not as an idol. Not as a legend. Not as a memory. Just her husband watching over her. Waiting patiently for the day she would smile again.

The melody faded. For a few seconds, the only sound in the room was the soft hum of the computer. Conrad lowered the recorder and sat quietly, as though he too was struggling to find the right words. The playful confidence that usually defined him was gone. There was no audience to entertain now. No performance to hide behind. Just a husband saying goodbye to the woman he loved.

He looked directly into the camera. Directly at her. A gentle smile formed on his face as he said, "Goodbye, my beautiful wife."

Magali felt her breath catch. Conrad's eyes glistened slightly in the dim light of the recording. "I leave everything in your hands." His smile widened, "I know you can do it."

The screen went black. The recording ended. For a long time, Magali didn't move. She sat there staring at her own reflection in the dark monitor while tears continued to roll silently down her cheeks. Yet for the first time since Conrad's death, those tears felt different.

Not lighter, but different. Because she finally understood. Conrad hadn't abandoned her. He hadn't run away. He hadn't chosen the stage because he loved it more than he loved her. There had simply been something he needed to finish. Something only he could do. The same stubborn determination that brought him to Sweetdance City had carried him all the way to the end.

And she finally understood that asking him to stay would have been asking him to stop being himself.

The realization hurt. But it also brought peace. Because even in his final days—even while preparing for the performance that would take his life—Conrad had still been thinking about her. About their child. About what would happen after he was gone. He had left her more than memories. More than a house. More than a baby.

He had left her proof. Proof that she was loved. Proof that he trusted her. Proof that even as death approached, he believed she could carry on without him.

Magali looked down at the swell of her stomach and rested a hand upon it. For months, she had been asking herself what came next. Whether she could remain an idol. Whether she should leave the city. Whether she was strong enough to raise a child alone.

The questions still existed. But now they felt less frightening. Because Conrad had already answered the most important one.

"I know you can do it."

A small smile appeared on her face. The first truly confident smile she had worn since his death. Outside, the lights of Sweetdance City shimmered through the window. For the first time in a long while, they didn't seem so cold. And somewhere deep inside her heart, Magali felt something she thought she had lost forever.

Hope.