Part 4: Innermost Feelings

Spring 5, 2002

Today is my birthday. You know, my birthday was never a real big deal for a very long time, I was about ten years old when I last celebrated it. Mom got sick, and I never got in the mood to celebrate now that she’s gone. It was just me since then. My grandparents tried to celebrate, but things were never the same.

Now that I’ve lived in Forget-Me-Not Valley for two tears, people around here make such a big deal over it. It’s funny how they all accept me as a member of their village, despite the fact that I haven’t decided to stay or not. But who can blame them? I’ve been here long enough for them to think I’ll stay. I am doing fairly well in my farm, and I’ve made a bunch of friends. Each day that I stay here, I find it harder to find a reason to go back to Atland.

Actually, there is one thing that irritate me about this village. The girls here are crazy! Muffy came by to my farm and dragged me to the Blue Bar to celebrate my birthday. Everyone else was already waiting at the bar with the cliché “Happy Birthday!” thing. If only they knew that I haven’t fully decided to stay yet, they wouldn’t be like this. But hey, they wanted to party and have a good time. So I decided to wait another day to say anything.

Of course, that means Muffy, Celia, and Nami are together in one building. It was civil at first, but then Muffy decided to get uncomfortably close and start flirting. Nami didn’t take that too nicely, so she shoved herself between us to give us some space. Like I expected, things got pretty loud very quickly.

Muffy and Nami quickly started to bump heads through the entire party. At first it was tame, just debating which one of them would be a better girlfriend. But things went from zero to max very quickly as the party continued. They started to criticize each other, and calling the other harsh names. Nami called Muffy a bar wench, while Muffy called her a flat chested tomboy. There was a lot of tension and cringe as they continued their shouting match. I was totally embarrassed, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Celia just hid in a corner mining her own business.

I am grateful that nothing turned violent between the girls. As the night dragged on, Muffy and Nami challenged each other to a drinking contest. Neither of them wanted to give in, and they both ended up drunk. They then started telling their life story, as if that would convince the other which one of them deserves my affection. They then passed out without knowing which of them won. I had to carry Muffy up to her room upstairs, then carry Nami back to the inn.

After today’s incident, I think I’ll avoid the bar for a while. Maybe I’ll get a hobby to take up my time after my job at the farm. Anything I can do instead of going to the Blue Bar. Muffy works there, and Nami is a frequent customer. But what else I can do here in the valley? I sure hope that I can figure it out sooner than later, these girls are going to drive me crazy!

Spring 7, 2002

Today as I just wandered around the valley, I found a help wanted poster just stapled to a nearby tree. Apparently, some people has set up camp here in the valley to start a dig site on the side of the mountain pretty close to the valley’s entrance. The people are looking for some extra help to dig in the mountain. I wanted to ignore it, but I really didn’t have anything else to do. Some paleontology does sounds like a bit of fun. So I figured that I would give it a try.

I grabbed the poster and headed to the west side of the valley. As the poster said, there is a new campsite near the mountain with a hole already dug into it. I took a look around, but I didn’t see anyone at first. As I looked around, I heard someone tinkering inside the cave in the mountain. I figured that whoever is working there, they would have already started working. So I decided to go inside and introduce myself.

As I walked into the cave, I took a good look around in amazement. I have no idea how this cave was discovered or when. I can only imagine that this was the reason why they sent some paleontologists to study it. As I took a look around, I found a young woman in the middle of the cave just digging around. She found some sort of artifact and was taking a good look at it. As she was studying the item, I dared myself to walk up to her and tap her shoulder to get her attention. I must have scared her, because she quickly grabbed my arm with lightning fast reflexes. Before I knew what happened, she flipped me over her shoulder judo style. The dirt in the cave was soft, so I didn’t get seriously hurt.

She was so freaked out, that she started screaming at me accusing me of some weird things. As she demanded to know who I was and why was I in the cave, her partner rushed in to see what was going on. I tried to calm her down, but she kept talking over me threatening to beat me up. The guy was able to stop her and calm her down. I guess this is a normal occurrence for them. After she calmed herself, the guy allowed me to explain myself.

We all met up back at their tent. I explained that I found their poster, and I only went to the cave to ask about the job. I didn’t mean to scare the girl, but the cave was pretty dark. The guy laughed it off, while the girl just turned red in embarrassment. The guy then introduced himself as Carter, a lead researcher and paleontologist. His partner’s name is Flora, a talented researcher who specializes in old languages. He then joked about Flora being timid around new places she gets assigned to. She’s not usually violent, but she tends to get carried away when surprised.

I looked at Flora, and she was ashamed of herself. She did look really cute as she sat there avoiding eye contact with me. She is a bit older than I am, but a little younger then Muffy. You can tell that she’s been doing this job for a while by the way she dresses. Her green tank top, white cargo shorts, heavy work boots, and white gloves tells the story that she is a hard worker. But even with that outfit, those violet eyes, librarian style glasses, and messy light brunette hair makes her look rather pretty. Carter is one lucky guy to be dating such a woman.

I wanted to make Flora feel more comfortable, so I extended my hand out to her and said that I look forward to working together. She smiled as she shook my hand and said that she hopes that we can be friends. She also apologized for slamming me into the ground, so I apologized for startling her. We all laughed it out and started to chat to get to know each other. I also did explain that I am the farmer here in Forget-Me-Not Valley, and I will only be able to help out in the afternoon. Carter had no problem with that, he’s only glad that he can get any help at all.

Spring 8, 2002

Carter and Flora explained that they are looking for the remains of an ancient civilization. More specifically, evidence of the existence of Princess Keria. Supposedly, she lived here long before Forget-Me-Not Valley was established. She went missing with no clues or traces of what might have happened to her. When this cave was found, Carter and Flora was sent to uncover a clue as to what might have happened to her.

They also only got enough funding to stay until the end of Spring. They don’t have a lot of time, so I promised them that I will work hard for as long as they need me. I’ll work at the farm in the morning, then drop by in the afternoon to help in any way they ask. I didn’t tell Muffy, Celia, or Nami about my little part time job. I need a break from them before they drive me insane.

Spring 12, 2002

I’ve been working inside the cave every day. Even though it’s rather cool outside, it does get a bit warm in that cave. Especially if you are swinging a pickax against the walls looking for any traces of ancient civilization. Meanwhile, Flora is digging with a trowel looking for artifacts while Carter is doing paperwork outside. It’s a lot of hard work, but I am inspired watching them work on this project so passionately. They really love what they do.

As I hit the cave walls to make the cave bigger, I stare at the holes I’ve made for a while. These recesses remind me of the holes that I found in the house when I came by for the first time. I remember touching the holes in the walls at the farm house imagining dad punching them. He must have tried to relieve his guilt that I put on him. Those words I shouted at him; I blamed him for mom’s death, and he had no one else to blame other than himself.

If I was strong enough to accept the truth, maybe dad would be alive right now. Then again, mom would also be alive if dad never kept his secret. He wanted to surprise us. He never went to Forget-Me-Not Valley to escape his responsibility as a father and husband. He built this farm so that me and mom would move here with him and be a family once again. Dad spent years building us a new life, and we just misunderstood him. He wanted to marry mom and start over again. And he was almost done, until he learned that she died.

And so, I picked up that pickax to keep on working. That is my life in a nutshell. Wake up in the morning, work on the farm, then go to the dig site till evening, and go to sleep. It’s not an exciting life, but it is the life I deserve.

Spring 14, 2002

As each Spring day passes, the cave gets a bit warmer. I can only imagine this cave becoming an oven once summer hits. I couldn’t take the heat anymore, so I unbuttoned my overalls to take off my shirt so I don’t die from a heat stroke. After buttoning the overalls again, I looked back and noticed Flora staring at me blushing hard.

At first, I didn’t know what was up with her. Then I took a look at myself, and noticed that I was starting to bulk up. My arms and torso are getting quite muscular between the farm work and working in the cave. I definitely look more like dad with my arms and chest looking like this. I’ll definitely be in trouble with the other girls if they see me like this.

Flora quickly excused herself and left the cave. I sure hope that she didn’t get the wrong idea. When I took off my shirt, I completely forgot that she was in the cave with me. I’ll need to apologize to her before she makes this a big deal.

Spring 20, 2002

Flora did accept my apology, but she is behaving a bit differently since then. Each day I work in the cave, she tries her best to avoid eye contact with me. I always get the feeling that she is watching me, but she is looking away when I turn to her. I do find her blushing a lot when we are working pretty close to one another. I am pretty confused, isn’t she dating Carter? I mean, nobody said they are. I just assume that they are. Maybe there’s trouble in paradise? Or maybe I’m just overthinking everything?

Anyways, the reason I wanted to write an entry today is because something fantastic happened! You see, I found a hidden room in the cave as I kept whacking at the walls. I used my hammer to break the wall down and found some mines. That’s not all, we found an old sword resting on the ground. We brought it to Carter, and he noticed a crest on the sword’s hilt. The crest belonged to Princess Keria’s family, which is the proof we need that she was here.

Because we found the sword, my job at the dig site is over. After being paid for the day with a hefty bonus, Carter and Flora started to pack up. They will now be leaving soon. That’s a shame, I was really enjoying my time with them. Oh well, all I can do is wish them luck on their next discovery somewhere far away.

Spring 28, 2002

Things are starting to go back to normal here in the valley. After work, I would go to the bar for a drink and another dose of Muffy’s flirting. If I don’t go to the bar, I would run into Nami so she can ask to hang out. Even staying at the farm isn’t safe, considering Celia would come over on her day off and ask to help at my farm. It can be a headache at times, but I admit that it can be fun if things don’t get out of hand. As long as I remind the girls that boundaries exist, everyone can get along nicely.

Spring 29, 2002

This morning, I found a note attached to my door. I was invited to the dig site to celebrate our finding. I thought they already packed up and left. I was curious, so I took the invitation and headed over to the dig site.

I found Flora in the tent, alone. She was making a pot of curry, which is something she commonly makes while we worked together. It’s not bad, but it could use a bit more seasoning. I did ask about Carter, and she said that he’s still at the main office doing paperwork. He doesn’t even know that Flora came back to the valley. I asked her why did she come back to Forget-Me-Not Valley all by herself, and she answered that she wanted us to talk.

After she served me a plate of curry, I asked her a bunch of questions. Turns out I was wrong about Carter and Flora’s relationship. She was single this whole time, and I had no idea. I figured that since she was still young and pretty, she would at least be dating someone in her hometown. When I asked about it, she blushed as she admitted that her job doesn’t leave much time for dating.

We just kept on talking about her job and how much she loves to solve mysteries and riddles of the past. Checking out clues left behind by those who passed away some time ago. It excited her to learn how people lives in the old days. As she kept going on and on about her job, I started to look into my half eaten plate of curry. Clues of those who passed away? Kinda like how I learned how my dad passed away here in the valley. It was quite a mystery, and people thought the worst happened. But even though my relationship with my dad wasn’t great, I knew there was more to his story than people seen. That was the main reason why I even came to Forget-Me-Not Valley in the first place.

One day I was at home, minding my own business doing some homework. I was about seventeen when I got the news from my grandparents that dad died right in the farm. There was this huge investigation, and they wanted someone to go to Forget-Me-Not Valley and answer a few questions. I decided to go so I can gather some papers for life insurance and stuff like that. Dad was still paying for all my expenses, so I needed to find out what happened and what to do from there.

After dad’s funeral, I was escorted to the farm with Officer Harris from Mineral Town. He explained that dad fell off the roof of the house, and died on impact. He also explained that the villagers knew he was depressed, and maybe he jumped. Dad did left a lot of clues to make people believe that he took his own life. I didn’t want to believe it. He did take care of me, even though we didn’t talk since mom’s funeral. There had to be another explanation.

I entered the house for the first time, and it was a mess. You can tell that he didn’t clean the house for years. The house had a rancid stench of mold, spoiled food, and liquor. You can find empty bottles of wine, discarded food containers, and all sorts of garbage everywhere. Then there were the holes on the walls. As I touched them, I could tell that he made them when he was slamming his fist through them. He felt guilty about mom’s death, and he punished himself by hitting the walls until his knuckles bleed. He then would fall to his knees and cry until he was too tired or drunk to remember those harsh words I told him. He tortured himself for years, no wonder everyone thought he took his own life.

I asked Officer Harris for me to stay at the house for a few days. I wanted to clean up the house and look around. He hesitated, but he could see that this was important for me to get some closure. He left me at the house, and waited for me back in Mineral Town. And so, I cleaned up that house for a full day. Even though I couldn’t bear to see the house my dad built with his two hands so filthy, I really wanted to look for some type of proof that he didn’t just jump.

As I cleaned up, I found his old journal. I did read it, but he stopped making entries after mom’s funeral. I also didn’t find any letters or notes saying that he planned to take his life. Everything I found only proved that he was just a sad old man filled with guilt. He did take care of my expenses, so I know he still had someone he cared about.

I asked everyone here in the valley about my dad. I didn’t get much out of them, he would rarely even leave the farm. Everyone has seen him, but nobody “knew” him. All they said about him was that he would just work, work, work. For a moment, I felt that I was just wasting my time. But soon, I found something that made me glad that I didn’t quit on him and leave.

The great clue I found was the old TV. I knew something was off when I turned it on. There is no cable TV in Forget-Me-Not Valley, and all signals come from an antennae from the roof of the house. So when I turned it on and found no signal, I knew dad was on the roof to fix the antennae. I checked the side of the house, and found the ladder heading up.

I dared myself to climb up the ladder to take a closer look. As soon as I got on the sloped roof, I found skid marks. There was no way that dad would leave skid marks if he planed to jump. The antennae was damaged too, but it looked like it was bent from someone grabbing on to it. As I placed my hands on the skid marks, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what might have happened to my dad. What his final day must have looked like.

I believe that he might have been drunk, or it might have been raining. I am not sure, but it feels like it was either of those two scenarios. Dad was up on the roof adjusting the antennae so he can watch some TV. But something happened that caused him to lose his balance. He tried to hold on to the antennae, but it broke unexpectedly. He slid down the sloped roof, trying his best to stop himself. In only a couple of seconds, he found himself falling off the roof. He must have flailed his arms trying desperately to grab on to anything to stop his fall. The only thing he can do is watch his life flash before his eyes. Maybe he was thinking about reuniting with the woman he loved, and how he was going to leave behind his only son he worked so hard to support. He didn’t jump, it was an accident.

I was relieved to find out the truth. If he did jump, I would have blamed myself for what happened to him. I don’t think I can live with that much guilt. Dad built this house for all of us. Mom, dad, and myself living in this house like a happy family again. But mom died before he could finish it. Now it’s just me, living in this house he built with his own two hands. I wish I can go back in time and change everything.

Flora called out to me, snapping me out of my trance. I looked into her concerned eyes and told her that I was fine, just thinking about things. There is no point to telling anyone what happened to my mom or dad, it wouldn’t make any difference anyway. This burden is mine alone to carry after all.

Out of the blue, she asked me if I really wanted to be a farmer. I looked into her curious eyes once again, not sure how to answer. To be honest, I wasn’t sure at that moment. I wasn’t even sure why am I even still here in Forget-Me-Not Valley. All I’ve ever done here is think about mom and dad. So I asked myself, did I really want to be here in the valley as the farmer? Do I have a purpose here?

Flora then took my hand suddenly and asked to leave the valley and go with her. She wanted me to quit being a farmer and travel the world with her and Carter to find even more treasure together. She also admitted that she has fallen for me, and we can be together if I left the valley behind and started a new life with them. I considered it at first. Leave all my memories behind, and start over fresh. After all, archaeology does sound like a fun profession to get into.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, I said no in the end. I am not sure why, but I feel like I belong here in Forget-Me-Not Valley. Nobody needs me here, but I need to be here. I finally realize after all this time that dad’s farm is important to me. I may not be a great farmer, but I can picture myself here for the rest of my life. I want to grow old and die here. This farm was built so me, mom, and dad could be a family again. I may be the only one left, but that is okay. This is my home now.

Summer 1, 2002

Summer has arrived once again, and everything is at peace. All the families are at the beach celebrating the start of the season, while the single men and women are at the Blue Bar. I decided to stay at home enjoying another day at the farm.

As I was wrapping up another hard day at work, I found a little surprise walking into my farm. As I was shipping my milk and eggs, I heard Flora calling out to me. I was under the impression that she had left to her next job site somewhere far away, I was shocked to see her still here in the valley. I wasn’t expecting to see her again so soon.

We had a nice little chat inside my house. Turns out that Carter and Flora applied for an extension for the Forget-Me-Not Valley contract. Even after finding proof of Keria’s existence, there is still so many treasures to find in the cave. Of course, Flora talked Carter into it without telling him the real reason she wanted to stay here. She wanted to stay in the valley longer to get to know me better.

I was pretty impressed that she went so far out of her way to do that. I figures that she would just move on as soon as I told her that I would not join them. But here she is, changing the course of her entire life just to have a shot to be with me. Won’t she be surprised when she finds out that there are three other women who are competing for my affection.

After she left, I decided to think about things. When I arrived here, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be interested in a relationship. But maybe it’s time that I reconsidered. After all, I am here in the valley to stay. You know. . . Settle down, start a family of my own. I have no shortage of potential brides, all different and beautiful. I just don’t know where to go about picking the right one. I mean, I never even had a girlfriend before. I’m going to need a little time to think things through. After all, mom and dad would love to see me here in the valley raising a family.